Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
