At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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