you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
