I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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