i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
