margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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