So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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