ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
