omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
