There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
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We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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