When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
