I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
