Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
