Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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