Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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