it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
