Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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