Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I wish there were birth control emojis
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
