He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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