The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
