I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
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I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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