First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
