Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
