margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
