No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
