Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
