In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
