You really coming over, don't trick.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
