Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
