Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Let's paint friendship bongs
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
