i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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