So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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