I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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