A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
