Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
