I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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