He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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