I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize