I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
