3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
That's intense
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
