Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
