last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
