He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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