dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
