you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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