i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i think i just lost a toe
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
