If that was your dad, he is hot
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
