Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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