I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom