and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
