Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
