What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.