I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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