But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
