Plan B is the new Plan A
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
