I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
