You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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