I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
