I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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