Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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