lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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