gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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