I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We smell like vodka and hangover
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