Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
