Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
