i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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