My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
