Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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