based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
