no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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