Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
