I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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