i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
